What Goes Around…. Comes Around
This week's headlines have confirmed that Justin Timberlake is, in fact, a douche bag.
Not that we didn't already have our suspicions...
Wayne Scot Lukas, the stylist from Justin's notorious Super Bowl performance, spoke out about the “wardrobe malfunction” that tanked Janet Jackson’s reputation. According to him Justin “insisted" on doing a reveal that would outdo his ex's kiss with Madonna.
Yikes. There's nothing worse than a petty pretty-boy...
I've been unapologetically vocal about my dislike of Justin Timberlake, and news like this is somewhat validating.
Once you get over the pathetic element, that is.
My biggest critique about Justin has always been his fixation on Britney. For years after their 2002 breakup he used her name to boost his own career. Whether a tactical play or genuine scorn, it wasn't a good look.
For fun, here’s a 10 minute compilation of him using Britney to promote his album Justified. At one point he claims that the lyrics for *NSYNC’s Gone were inspired by a time that Britney spent too long at the salon….Controlling much?
The wonderful Eat, Pray, Britney Podcast did some serious heavy lifting by creating a timeline of his most cringe-worthy behaviour post-breakup:
September 2002
Justin Timberlake talks about going down on Britney during an interview.
February 2007
While accepting an award for best international male solo artist, he takes the opportunity to tell Britney to stop drinking in his speech.
June 2007
Clearly on a roll, Justin decides to sing Rehab by Amy Winehouse at the end of Cry Me a River
March 2008
He mocks Britney while inducting Madonna into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, saying “The world has always been full of Madonna wannabes, I might have even dated a couple.”
March 2009
Justin brings up Britney’s virginity in an SNL skit while playing his own ancestor. He jokes “I’d like to think that at first, he’ll date a popular female singer. Publicly, they’ll claim to be virgins. But privately, he hit it.”
February 2013
Justin calls Britney a bitch for breaking up with him 11 years earlier during a Super Bowl party performance.
…Dude, you married Jessica Biel in 2012. Get over it.
What I've included here isn't an exhaustive list of Justin's douchebaggery. For instance, back in 2000 he was sued for assault after allegedly pushing a 15-year-old girl against a wall when she yelled “JC is cuter.” #Facts
If you think that's bad, don't forget that he used videos of homeless people as joke congratulatory messages for his wedding.
Snide comments catch up with you eventually. An audio clip of Justing bragging about sleeping with Britney recently resurfaced in Framing Britney Spears. In the aftermath he posted what the NY Times referred to as a ‘vague but earnest’ apology on Instagram. It was, like Trolls, perfectly fine. Nothing show stopping, but nothing blatantly offensive either.
I don’t want to hate on Justin too much - okay I do - but I also recognize that he lives in his own reality. He's grown up with a constant barrage of PR teams and fans telling him he’s amazing. We can’t blame him for not knowing how to respond to a break up as a teenager in the public eye.
That said, 40-years-old is a bit late to suddenly become self-reflective.
I don't believe in rejecting apologies. The second we decide someone is beyond redemption, we eliminate any possibility at progress. Yes people do bad things, but they should also be able to atone for them.
I have no desire to ‘cancel’ Justin Timberlake. In fact, I hope he sees this recent backlash as a wake-up call to act with more empathy. Really, who cares what he says. Both Britney and Janet have moved on. In the grand scheme of these women’s lives, Justin is a blip.
He clearly doesn’t see it that way, but hey, cry my a river.
Dude. Let it go.
Can’t Stop the Feeling
What I've always wanted is for Justin Timberlake to Leave. Britney. Alone. For years it felt like all he could think about was how to outdo Britney or claw down her reputation.
He's the definition of a crazy ex.
I once dated a self-proclaimed romantic. He loved to get me surprise flowers, take me on dates, and show me off. My friends joked that he followed me around like a puppy.
In reality that romance had a darker side. He was prone to road rage, wall-punching, and fights with his roommates. I once watched him yell at a teenage city worker when his car was ticketed.
For me, he said, he would do anything.
That tune turned spiteful when I broke up with him. He wrote and tried to publish an opinion article entitled “Why Dating a Thick Girl is Overrated,” claiming that I was both chubby and full of myself (not the most outlandish lie, but still). When I stopped responding to his calls he sent texts about wanting to hurt himself and checked himself into the hospital.
Eventually he got a grip, blocked me on everything, and moved away.
As crazy exes go, this was a pretty mild case. I was worried for him, but luckily never felt nervous for myself. He was 6”1 and almost 200 pounds. If he ever decided to get physical, 5”3 me was pretty much done for.
In a scarier moment, my boyfriend’s ex once woke us up by banging on his windows in the middle of the night. Never have I been more excited to help someone find a new place.
Growing up I always thought the movies got it wrong. There was no way people would be so dramatic - showing up unannounced, screaming out windows, threatening each other's lives. It seemed too crazy to be believable. That is, until I started dating.
Love makes people do stupid things. Pain ups the anti.
Generally when we hear of exes resorting to violence we think the abuse started long before. An obsessive ex must come from an obsessive partner. Alas, it's not that cut and dry. In reality murder is the first act of violence in 20% of relationship homicides.
Psychology Today reports that the personality profile of an obsessive ex is "an immature and self-centered individual who, in the relationship, constantly craved or demanded attention and affection."
Really, who hasn't either been or been with someone like that? We’ve all dated a version Justin who thinks an extended salon trip is worth writing a song over.
The scary truth is that you never know how someone is going to react to heart break. The person you're with is not the person you leave.
While I doubt Justin was fun to date (the only evidence I need is his wedding photo jumping over Jessica Biel), he's even worse as an ex. The problem is you don't know what to expect until it's too late.
Please stop.
Love Stoned
This week another scorned ex made headlines. Patrick Fox, who has already served 2 years of a criminal harassment sentence, was re-convicted in Vancouver last Monday for refusing to take down a website he made to "destroy" his ex-wife.
The site claims that his former parter, Desiree Capuano, is a white supremacist, child abuser and drug addict. It's been online for 7 years (!!!!) and, according to a recent post by Fox, "they can lock me up for the rest of my life, but I will never take down the website."
Their divorce was admittedly messy. Capuano got Fox deported from the US while in the middle of a custody battle. Ugly as that may be, there's no excuse for the blatant harassment Fox is unleashing. Before the website he sent "hundreds of thousands of emails" that eventually got her fired due to the security risks he posed as an ex.
His persistence is both astonishing and horrifying. Capuano has even said he told her "his ultimate goal was to make me commit suicide."
How do you go from getting married to wanting someone dead?
Mirrors
The broad answer is that you've got your own shit to deal with. Hating an ex to the point fo criminal action has more to do with you than them - no matter what they did to you.
Lisa A. Phillips, author of Unrequited: The Thinking Woman’s Guide to Romantic Obsession, explains fixation as a reflection of your own insecurities. She tells The Cut “If you can you can ask yourself, ‘What is this person about? What does this person represent? What am I really chasing? What are the thoughts and ideas around this fixation?’, you can get some really valuable information about yourself.”
When I was broke up with my ex, he couldn't stop crying about my friends and family. Instead of engaging with me about the state of our relationship, he lamented not being able to see my circle again. It was a reaction I didn't expect.
Looking back, his home life was so-so. I bet a fresh start with my connections looked pretty appealing. When I left, he lost a chance at family connection.
For Fox, the loss of that relationship seems directly tied to his pride. Proving that Capuano is evil is worth more than his freedom. To him it's better to die right than it is have lost something you were proud of.
For Justin, I think Britney represented fame.
To quote his music:
Cause I don't wanna lose you now
I'm lookin' right at the other half of me
The vacancy that sat in my heart
Is a space that now you hold....
...It's like you're my mirror (O-oh)
My mirror staring back at me.
We fall in love because we see a better version of ourselves in our partners. When that’s stripped away, it’s hard to reconcile. Sometimes the worst part of a breakup what you find out about yourself in the process. In the end, staring down that reflection is part of moving on.
That's how you bring your sexy back.
