The Minor Countdown
Can we leave the children alone please?
Tiger King
Earlier this month my grade 7 math teacher was charged with 3 counts of sexual assault, 3 counts of sexual interference, and 3 counts of sexual exploitation of a young person. Some of the victims are under the age of 14.
It's not exactly the news you want coming from your hometown.
When I was in school rumours flew about Mr. Despatie: he gave girls special attention, he hazed male students, he looked up skirts, he was obsessed with our junior girls’ basketball team... You name it, we thought it.
At the time I didn't think anything was substantiated. The only thing I knew for sure is that he would yell if my homework wasn't done. That was bad enough for a 12-year-old.
Despite his reputation with students, Mr. Despatie was often praised for his work as a coach. St. Matthew's is known for Tiger's basketball, and he ran the junior girls’ team for more than 25 years.
When charges were filed, local Facebook pages flooded with accounts of misconduct dating as far back as the 90s. Many are outraged that no one investigated these allegations earlier - myself included. To add insult to injury, the Director of Education confirmed that nothing had been done about complaints given in the past.
Instead, Despatie was left to hunt in a forever-rotating pool of children.
I feel for the victims, but I'm also devastated for the rest of the staff. I know many fantastic teachers at that school who are reeling at the news. It's challenging to learn that your coworker is a pedophile. It's harder to think you may have turned a blind eye.
I worked with another St Matthew’s student named Scott at a gymnastics centre for years. He trained me, and I always thought he was terrific with the kids. I looked up to him as a coach.
My admiration only stopped when he was fired for sending shirtless photos to a 12-year-old.
I never saw it coming. Neither did the rest of my team.
Predators are stealthy by nature. You don’t see a tiger coming - that's why it's a great school mascot. Despatie knew that better than anyone. He worked in the same building for his entire career, so he learnt how to cover his tracks.
News like this is shocking because it reminds you that evil can hide in plain sight.
Hell, Bill and Melinda divorced after 27 years - anyone can surprise you.
Might seduce your dad type…
Billie Eilish recently surprised everyone with a new look on the cover of British Vogue. The baggy clothes and slime-green hair turned into corsets and a blonde shag overnight. She's evolved into a Gen Z pinup.
The look comes in tandem with new music. Billie’s next album, ‘Happier Than Ever’, is set to launch at the end of July. The first single came out on April 29th, and, honestly, it couldn’t have been better timing for anyone struggling with the Despatie news.
"Your Power" is a haunting song about the sexual manipulation of a minor. In the video, Billie sings "try not to abuse your power" as a giant anaconda strangles her on a mountain. It's a deeply moving piece about abuse.
The song is even more impactful when paired with her sexy makeover.
In the Vogue interview Billie anticipated backlash: ‘You’re going to complain about being taken advantage of as a minor, but then you’re going to show your boobs?’ Yes, I am, motherfucker! I’m going to because there’s no excuse.”
There really isn't. Again, please leave the children alone.
Young pop stars are notoriously sexualized and exploited by the media. For years Billie was famous for hiding her figure. She dressed like Adam Sandler in the 90s, and it was a refreshing way to see female talent presented. Many pointed to her as a body positivity icon.
Now she’s branching out and ruining the box we put her in.
For anyone upset with this new example, Billie has this to say, “don’t make me not a role model because you’re turned on by me.”
Keeping Count
Famous minors have always been a loophole for perverse behaviour. Interviewers were asking Britney Spears about her boobs and virginity on national television as a teenager. Paris Hilton was known as the NYC hottest ‘party girl’ by age 16.
The most grotesque examples are the countdowns clocks created for celebrity birthdays. Men created full websites pinpointing the exact moment famous girls would turn 18. They were celebrating that sex with them would no longer be statutory rape.
The most well known example is the Olsen twins. We watched these women from literal infancy, yet they grew into many men’s fantasies. At least 7 countdown websites existed for them.
Turning 18 doesn't come with any magic changes. You're the same person who was 17 minutes before. Similarly, girls don’t become comfortable with their sexuality overnight. Before the clock strikes midnight on our 18th birthdays, we've already been dodging creepy men for years. There is an enormous pressure put on young girls to understand our sexuality well before we're ready.
Take, for instance, school dress codes designed to help boys from getting 'distracted'. The more desirable everyone else finds you, the more you have to adjust your behaviour. No matter how old you are.
Billie Eilish touched on this pressure in Vogue."Young women, we’re expected to know and do everything, and be everyone’s mom when we’re like, 15.”
Natalie Portman, another countdown subject, shared her experience growing up in the spotlight at the 2019 Women’s March.
“Movie reviewers talked about my budding breasts in reviews. I understood very quickly, even as a 13-year-old, that if I were to express myself sexually I would feel unsafe and that men would feel entitled to discuss and objectify my body to my great discomfort.”
The sad part is that they discussed her body anyway, even without her starting the conversation.
Emma Watson revealed that at her 18th birthday party photographers laid down on the street to take photos up her skirt. The next morning they were published in the tabloids, knowing full well that 24 hours before the content would have been illegal.
When Lindsay Lohan turned 18 she appeared on the cover of Rolling Stone with headline "Hot, Ready and Legal!"
Celebrating sexual legality is as harmful as it is disgusting. By fixating on their sexuality we're telling girls that, no matter how successful you are, your primary feature as a woman is to be objectified.
School Rules
Porn is another place where men can lust after children guilt-free. “Barely legal” is a full category dedicated to women as young as you can have them before it becomes a crime.
Yikes.
This has been a trend for years. Back in the 70s Playboy started a “college girls” series that led the way. Now “teen” has been one of the most popular Pornhub searches for over 5 years
Generally we accept this as normal - porn is a fantasy world where rules are bent.
We also believe that men are hard-wired to desire young women. How many times have we heard that it’s human nature to lust after teenagers? After all, we aren’t THAT far removed from child brides and shorter lifespans. It must be biological. Men's bodies instinctually know that younger women are more fertile…
Except they aren’t. In reality, teenagers are more likely to have complications during pregnancy. The chance of dying is twice as high for a girl aged 14-19 than it is for a woman in her 20s.
Evolution isn’t to blame for men's fixation on young women. If anything, women should be lusting after younger men. "Barely legal boys" sounds way worse, but it's technically the same. The difference is that we're used to the sexualization of girls.
Psychologically speaking many have speculated on the popularity of 'barely legal' porn. Some claim it’s born from male anxiety. A young, inexperienced girl is a fresh slate. Whatever incompetencies you think you have in the bedroom, a teenager is less likely to notice. You become the “experienced older man” who can show her the ropes.
Others suggest it’s an attempt to relive time as teenager, only with all the hot sex you weren't able to have at the time.
Whatever the reason, I don’t think there’s anything wrong indulging in porn. Fantasy is fantasy for a reason. That said, the popularity of this genre has real life consequences. For example, Google ‘school girls’ and ‘school boys’ and tell me if you see a difference...
The 'school girl' trope has become dangerous. Plan International UK recently did a report on street harassment. A third of girls in the UK, some as young as 8, say they’ve been sexually harassed in their school uniforms. 1 in 7 said they've been followed.
The hyper sexualization of children - schoolgirls, gymnasts, celebrities - is abhorrent. We give predators avenues to hide in plain sight when we fixate on the bodies of young women and brush off "teen" porn as common place.
All this to say I think the world would benefit from more 30 plus porn stars.
Your Power
The news about Despatie made waves in social pools I no longer frequent - It's been years since I've talked to anyone from my grade 7 class. I wonder if any of the girls I knew were victimized.
I wonder if they were the same girls we gave bad reputations.
It's so easy to spiral about what you did and didn't do. I'm sure I laughed at countdown clocks, ripped apart Britney's postpartum body, and turned a blind eye to creepy behaviour. I know women who left nights out with me only to be assaulted. I had friends call me a "slut" when I needed people to turn to.
As women, we try to do right by each other, but the pressure works against us. What 13-year-old can comprehend the nuances of their own sexuality, let alone how that relates to all the men around them? What 13-year-old can handle all of that and also support a friend through sexual abuse?
I'm proud of the young women who did speak out against Despatie. I hope more of his victims are empowered to share their stories. A victory is a victory, even when it comes late.
For anyone reading from my hometown, here's a piece of wisdom from Billie:
"People always say, ‘How would your younger self feel about you now?’ And that’s a good thing to think about in some cases, but I also think you shouldn’t try to be a person that your old self would like, and you shouldn’t try to be a person that your future self is going to be. You should be exactly who you feel like you are and want to be in that moment, otherwise you’re going to go insane.”
Whoever you are now, I hope you're doing okay.
And, one last time, can we PLEASE leave the children alone?
