Workaholics Anonymous
It's no secret that I'm busy. This isn't the first, and likely won't be the last, time I write about stress. I love to be productive, even at the risk of my own health. And, though I've expressed to all of you how I've been burning out over the course of months, I've also done very little to rectify the problem.
My name is Jamie McCormick, and I'm a workaholic.
Fixing the issue isn't exceedingly simple. There’s a side to being perpetually busy that people often forget about: it’s tough to let go of commitments. I don’t get to rejig my calendar and suddenly have free time. There’s a much more daunting process involved in eliminating responsibilities and letting people down.
The prioritization process is gruelling in and of itself. I can’t quit my job, I don’t want to stop writing, I promised a person this graphic, and cancelling on the dentist is ill-advised...
Part of the problem is that it's easy to say 'yes'. Research has proven that we think abstractly about future plans. We don't recognize the burden we're putting on ourselves until the date of that responsibility looms closer. Building a quick poster for an event should be a favour that only takes 30 minutes. Seven versions later, I'm on the verge of ripping out my hair over a volunteer experience I don't even care about.
That said, I'd sooner have a bald spot than back out of a project. Simply put, I’m a hoarder of tasks. "Maybe one day I’ll wear it’" has become synonymous with “I can’t let this person down.” Anyone and everyone can be a reference, and any skill could be something I use in the future.
Recently I heard a beautiful analogy about juggling tasks. As we tack on responsibilities, the likelihood of dropping a ball gets bigger and bigger. The trick is knowing what balls are made from plastic and which are glass.
The workaholic’s problem, however, is understanding that some of those balls were glass too late.
God I love stock photos
Rock Bottom
With a million things to do, what's the first thing to give?
In burning out the choice I made was myself. I opted to keep deadlines and working relationships intact as a trade for my own mental state. It’s easier to cry for an hour than it is to tell someone “sorry, I didn’t get it done on time.” Or worse, fully backing out of a commitment I was excited about.
Saying ‘no’ is an art form, but saying “I was wrong, I can’t do this” is even harder.
Unless, of course, you’re saying it to yourself. I have no problem letting myself down when it comes to the hours I wanted to stretch, the chores I said I would do around the house, and even the de-stress walks I promised I would take. And, just when I thought I was content with that problem-solving tactic, this article on ‘saying no’ hit me with an unreasonably tough question:
Ask yourself how valuable the person is to you that you’re letting down.
Woof.
It's hard to think of yourself as your own detriment. Nothing is more humbling than realizing you've been saying no to yourself over everyone else for years. Building out ‘me-time’ has been part of the schedule, and often is the first thing to drop. More than that though, it becomes part of the regimen. I meditated all summer, and that was more about checking the box than it was about sitting in silence.
How meditative is that really?
There's an added element of self-harm that comes with filling endless schedules and lists. By cramming my 'to-do' list I set myself up for failure every day. Inevitably I won’t get to it all, and I start the next day on a deficit, already indebted to the work I had wanted to achieve.
How then, would there ever be time for anything else? If the list never ends, neither does the work day.
Now though, I also have to recognize that I'm not the only person who suffers from my busyness. My partner is also left with a cluttered space, a million lists on the walls, and an on-edge version of me. Saying 'no' to my time is also saying 'no' to his.
When I do burnout, I blaze hard. Not Pineapple Express hard, but it’s still a spectacle. I’ve had full sobbing meltdowns on the street, in the Dollar Store while manic-buying a whiteboard, and literally a few minutes ago doing a plank on my carpet.
A real core challenge for anyone needing some workout tips...
The pressure of all these responsibilities builds quietly and explodes like a geyser, or, perhaps a better simile, like an extra-ripe pimple. Painful, shocking, and really gross with the potential to scar.
Step 1
The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. The second step is realizing that you've been praised for it...
The most glaring evidence I have for my addiction is that I read the start of this article like it was softcore porn:
It’s 2015, and you are laser focused. You built a vision board, cleaned your work space, and mapped out your short-term and long-term goals. You’ve got back to back meetings, a new idea for a side hustle, and all types of new ideas. You’re on fire.
Fuck yeah.
I love being productive. I love creating projects. Having goals and achievements to strive for makes me feel purposeful. There's some brain chemistry involved in that too. When we accomplish tasks, our brain releases dopamine. That's why checking boxes is so satisfying.
In life, we are commended for having impressive outputs. In my Catholic elementary school, we were told sloth is a sin. The kids who got the most praise were the smartest or most involved, and being a 'hard worker' is still a huge compliment. We can’t deny that we are pushed into being hyper-productive. Society values people who are always busy, and who look like they don't have to sleep. The image of the woman who 'has it all' is glaring down on all of us at all times. The perfect mom, who is also an executive, who also has a small cookie business, and who also runs marathons "for fun".
We strive for the unachievable, and we get high on any glimmer of perfection. At least I do. Constantly completing tasks and getting recognition is addictive. The more output I have, the more praise I get, the more I feel like everything is within reach.
Of course, the cheeky article writer turned around to slap me with some hard truths about my tendencies:
“When you’re busy, you confuse motion for progress.”
“When you’re busy, you equate patience with complacency.”
"When you’re busy, you become emotionally unavailable."
Another woof.
The difference between a high-achiever and a workaholic is slight, but important. Generally it comes down to the attitudes they each have about work. Someone who is a high performer has goals tied to their company or team goals. They might work late frequently, but they are building to a specific deadline out of necessity.
A workaholic seeks to be busy because "they feel insecure doing nothing." Without defined tasks, how do you determine your value? How important can you really be if you're motionless?
There’s also some correlation to workaholics and narcissism. It’s a grandiose thought to believe that you are the only one capable of getting the job done, or that anything requires you to spend so much time working on it. Moreover, the constant need for praise and reliance is extremely self-serving. Please notice how important I am. Please tell me how fantastic my report was.
Like any other addiction, workaholics also have the compulsion to work. Who among us hasn't had invasive thoughts about deadlines and email drafts? There's a constant pull to check my phone, complete a task, or really do anything not to be idle.
With that in mind, being busy is often an avoidant behaviour. We can use work as a way to distract from our internal lives and control our environments. Always having something to do and somewhere to be is a great way to keep emotions at bay. Of course, it's easy for that avoidance to get out of hand as emotional distress goes unchecked. If you never give yourself time to heal or process, eventually that inner turmoil will catch up to you by way of physical symptoms or more problematic outlets.
For instance, how many workaholics have you met that also have a heavy cocaine habit? That's one way to never be alone with your thoughts again.
The prolonged stress alone can lead to high blood pressure, panic attacks, depression, and issues sleeping. If you're always running, eventually your body will break down.
We all saw Hamilton, right?
He's the definition of a workaholic. Hamilton worked himself quite literally to death, yet we still view him as a hero. Hell, there's a whole musical dedicated to his life. Eventually, even his wife took on his workaholism, frantically asking the audience "did I do enough?" That’s the main question of the play, and it’s a huge question to think about.
What is enough, and who are we asking? I've been obsessed over that thought all week. What do I define as enough, and where does that validation truly need to come from?
Stay tuned for the results after I email blast this newsletter directly to my therapist.
Living Life in Excel
I know, it sounds fucking cool...
Another question I'm left with is how I suddenly became the girly version Nicolas Cage in Family Man. I don’t know when it happened, but the signs were all there for years. Ask my mom who used to force me not to do my homework and skip class. One time she told me she hoped I would blow my savings on a trip or something stupid instead of another degree.
But, and forgive the spoiler alert, we know that workaholism never works out. That’s the driving force of most Christmas movie plots featuring a city man. Eventually, we learn that family is more important than success. How silly those angry dads were to even consider working on Christmas Eve.
Blasphemous.
And yet I still empathize with the bah-humbug boys. They work because there’s pressure to support themselves, their families, and their egos. Staying that extra day, going that extra mile, that's a sacrifice, right? Aren't they doing the extra work to benefit their families?
A coworker of mine flipped this thinking on her team. She told everyone during a meeting to take a break and go outside. They were told to be back in ten minutes to say goodbye before signing off, but two people never left. One very obviously tried to take advantage of the time to ask her a question. When the whole team returned she called them out by name saying, "you aren’t above the rules, and your time isn't more valuable than anyone else's."
Wow.
I’ve never thought of my busy schedule as rule-breaking. I’ve always wanted to be the keenest and most responsible. By not taking lunch breaks and signing off at 7 pm I wanted to impress, not brag. That said, I guess there’s a subtle difference between going the extra mile and thinking you're above structure.
We know that people who love being busy often are avoiding sitting with their thoughts. It’s easy to ignore inner turmoil if your outer world is chaotic. We can't forget that in quarantine regular life is simultaneously boring and horrific. Doing extra work is something to do, even if it causes stress.
One study found that, when left alone, people would choose to administer light electric shocks to themselves than sit and do nothing. It sounds insane, but I opt to build budgets in my free time, so how is that much different?
The most wonderful time of the year...
Seeking Help from a Higher Power
The AA steps are a bit religious for my liking, but there’s a few sections that ring true. Namely that we are powerless to work, and an outside force is needed to bring back that balance.
What better higher power is there to bring balance than a calendar?
I can’t (won't) change the commitments I’ve already made, but I can block off 'work-free' sections of time. For example, I can start by protecting my lunch break, which I've conveniently forgotten to take for weeks on end.
Creating those boundaries is important, especially when we have no separation between work and home. My "office" is right next to me at all times, and the temptation to just get a few more things done is always there. If we don't develop hard lines for work, we feed the addiction and let our jobs seep into every element of our lives.
Even Costar agrees.
Add me @jamkatmcc
Parkinson’s Law states that 'work expands to fill the time available for its completion'. Without deadlines or time off, work can fill every moment of your days. Ultimately, that will make you less productive. More time doesn't inherently mean better quality.
Just ask season 8 of Scrubs....
In fact, The Pareto Principle explains that only 20% of your time produces 80% of your results. Similarly, there are strong arguments for shorter work weeks that yield more productivity. The trick is figuring out which blocks of your time are the right 20% to protect. Moreover, you have to know what results you most want to achieve.
As a busy person, my commitments span writing, social events, my actual job, podcasting, volunteering, you name it... what is the 80% I'm looking for? So early on in my career, closing any door is intimidating.
The personal door I want to open is the one to stronger relationships, less stress, and a better understanding of my goals. It's hard to access that key when I'm weighed down by less meaningful tasks.
Again though, the first step is admitting I have a problem. You'll all have to wait at least a few more weeks before I'm ready to make amends or find a sponsor. And don't be surprised if you find me relapsing in lockdown.
We all have our vices.
