Walk This Way
Now that the high of International Women’s Day is gone, we’re right back to the usual sexism that we know and love. A murder here, some victim blaming there.
Sprinkle in some police violence and we have ourselves a party.
If you haven’t seen the news about Sarah Everard yet, brace yourself. This one has had me reeling for days.
Mourning Sarah Everard
Sarah, a 33-year-old marketing executive from South London, left a friends' house on March 3rd to walk home. The journey should have taken approximately 50 minutes.
Sarah left at 9pm and did the usual dance of a woman heading into darkness: she called her boyfriend when she left, was wearing bright colours and running shoes, and chose to walk through a large public park.
Her boyfriend reported her missing the next day.
While the community processed her disappearance, the Metropolitan Police (Met), walked through South London recommending that women not go out alone. In response, Jenny Jones half-jokingly suggested a male curfew instead.
You know, since men are the ones kidnapping women.
Alas, the male population din't take kindly to the suggestion. "Not all men", "it's not fair", yadda yadda yadda. Jenny later told the news that “[n]obody makes a fuss when, for example, the police suggest women stay home. But when I suggest it, men are up in arms.”
Riddle me this: If you were supervising a class of kindergarteners, and one kid stabbed another with a pair of scissors, who should have to leave school - the Chucky Doll incarnate, or the other students who might somehow get in harms way?
In a surprising twist, the police arrested one of their own, Wayne Couzens, on March 9th. Wayne, who clearly adored his power as a police officer, is also a suspect in an indecent exposure case. On the 10th Sarah's remains were found in the woods.
Sadness poured over social media at the news of her death. Women began sharing the checklists they have before they leave the house: keys in between fingers, phone a friend, change routes often, don't wearing headphones, etc... Many expressed frustration that women are being held accountable for the actions of their abusers.
Imagine, for example, blaming elephants for their own extinction. It's your own fault for having such nice tusks. If you want poaching numbers to be lower, don't get poached.
It's mind-boggling logic.
A vigil was set for March 13th to honour Sarah, and, despite COVID restrictions, hundreds turned up to mourn. Somehow the night took a violent turn. Police man-handled women out of the streets and broke up the peaceful gathering - a pattern we’ve seen ad nauseam.
Considering it’s a police officer accused of the murder, it’s a tough look for the Met. And clearly one we’re doomed to see over and over. Black men and women across the states, women in the UK - at what point do police stop doubling-down on their violence?
London’s mayor, Sadiq Khan, noted “[t]he police have a responsibility to enforce Covid laws but from images I’ve seen it’s clear the response was at times neither appropriate nor proportionate.” He then ordered a full independent investigation into the police response.
My recommendation is that the investigation takes a few extra minutes to triple-check that no one else in the Met is flashing women on the side.
Met Gala
So let's take a moment to talk about police.
I fully believe in the Black Lives Matter movement, and everything I saw in Sarah Everard’s case was wrong. That said, I don’t think the police are evil. It’s a job riddled with pressure, scrutiny, and power - all of which are damaging to sound judgement.
Plus how much judgement do you need to be accepted onto the force to begin with? I mean Wayne is (allegedly) whipping out his dick on the weekends, which doesn't scream "extremely employable" to me.
As a lawyer you need 7 years of post-secondary schooling. To physically enforce those laws, however, the bar is much lower. There’s a reason so many comedies exist with goofy white cops. It’s become a trope, and I think it might be a dangerous one.
The Met site lays out some pretty basic qualifications. To apply, you have to be 17 or older and have some schooling. In fact, they offer two main entry routes to joining the force based on your education level:
Police Constable Degree Apprenticeship - where you work towards achieving a degree.
Degree Holder Entry Programme - if you already have a degree.
The Met also doesn't discriminate against convicts. Their website states: "If you do have any criminal convictions or cautions on record you can still apply, eligibility will depend on the age and nature of the offence."
Even volunteers are welcome to try policing on the side. As a volunteer Special Constable you get the "same uniform, same powers” as a regular officer.
Generally this seems great. I'm all about apprenticeships and on-the-job learning. I'm also pro second-chances. In a prison system geared toward rehabilitation (which most aren't) the end goal should be to re-integrate prisoners into society.
That said, this is a career path that involves human lives. Personally, I don't want 17-year-old students and felons in charge of my safety. I'd much rather reserve those demographics to desk work and literally any job that doesn't handle reports of sexual violence.
As women, our bodies have been policed for years. Abortion, reproductive rights, what constitutes rape - everything about our beings is or has been regulated. It's frustrating to see decisions made and enforced by people who don't understand our lived experience.
It happens at every level. From the police officer who doesn't believe a victim, to the Supreme Court judge accused of sexual assault, to the ex-president caught on film saying "grab 'em by the pussy." It takes a toll to watch our safety fall to wayside over and over and over again.
By now we know that these issues are systemic. BLM has shown us where the US has left them behind. They are leading the way in pushing for systemic reform, and I thank the movement for their candour, revolution, and persistence.
That said, I don't want to sit here and blame every individual who thought they could become a hero in the police force. That's not what this is about. I get how a career in the Met is appealing, and I don't want to alienate the officers who are doing their best. What I want is for the entire force to understand how they can do better for EVERYONE in their communities - not just the white men that are making the rules.
And, in case any of them are confused, putting curfews on women who are being attacked is not good enough. Violently removing women who are mourning is not good enough. Admitting someone into your squad with predatory tendencies is not good enough.
Consensual 'Upskirting"
Ain’t No Hollaback Girl
Last summer I wrote about my experience with catcalling in COVID. In the beginning, I was so focused on the new stressors of a pandemic world that, for a blissful few months, I actually forgot about the rampant sexual harassment that comes with being a woman in public.
Then I went outside.
Despite the sweatpants, greasy hair, and face masks, I've found catcalling has become more and more aggressive since COVID started. In fact, during the pandemic Canada has seen an increase of 20-30% in the rates of gender-based violence.
That's simply because street harassment has never been about the women involved. It doesn't matter if you're looking hot that day or what you're wearing. Catcalling, at its core, is an assertion of power, and there is evidence to suggest that harassment increases during hard times.
When people (men) lose control of other elements in their lives, they feel the need to reassert dominance over something (or someone) else. A pandemic full of job loss and fear, in that case, is the perfect breeding ground for street harassers looking to reestablish their egos.
Protecting ourselves has become more and more important, and the burden always falls on the victims. Luckily, the Sarah Everard case stuck a chord with 20-year-old activist Antonia Quell. Antonia is on a mission to make street harassment a criminal offence in Germany. Her petition, which has close to 70,000 signatures, states that "[c]atcalling is an abuse of dominance and power."
Hell yeah it is.
As it stands, physical contact is required to claim any act as sexual harassment in Germany. Neigh-sayers will argue that catcalling is too hard to prove. What's stopping women from accusing everyone they pass on the street?
Nice try, but catcalling is already illegal in places like Portugal and Belgium. In France 450 fines were issued between August 2018, when catcalling legislation came into effect, and May 2019.
That sounds lovely. We deserve to walk around without being harassed, and that's a super low bar to set - don't you think?
If even one catcaller is fined for threatening my safety, I'd consider it worth the risk that someone is falsely accused. If we can set the precedent that street harassment is, in fact, harassment, I think we stand to make the world a better, safer place. Antonia echoes that sentiment, simply stating that "it's not my job to figure out how to prosecute it."
Fucking right.
We know catcalling is wrong, and what's the point in having leaders if they can't figure out how to handle nuance? Don't tell me it's too hard to achieve catcalling repercussions when I'm afraid to leave my house after dark.
What's promising is that petitions have worked in the past to create real change for women's safety. 'Upskirting' is a disgusting trend of taking photos up women's skirts without their permission. In 2018 Gina Martin was fed up with this garbage behaviour and pushed the UK government to hold offenders accountable. By 2019 legislation had passed making upskirting illegal throughout the UK.
On the heals of that decision, Canada better defined “expectation of privacy” in 2019 to help prosecute upskirters after a high school teacher was found having taken secret footage of student’s cleavage for over a year.
Ugh.
It's devastating that we need these laws, but it's even harder to believe that loopholes exist in the first place. In the UK it's technically illegal to wear armour in Parliament, keep a pigsty at the front of your property, or run away after knocking on a door.
But catcalling is still entirely kosher.
For all the men on the street wondering, this is why I don't "smile more."
Raise your hand if you've been personally victimized by Regina George...
To Me, You Are Perfect
The 'perfect victim' is a phenomenon talked about a lot in the true crime world.
Serial killers like Bundy and Ed Kemper were so horrifying in part because they chose victims that society cared about. Much more vicious and sinister criminals fell under the radar by preying on those in the outskirts of society - namely, sex workers and women of colour.
The Green River Killer, as one example, confessed to 80 murders and pled guilty to 48, way more than Bundy. All of his victims were sex workers.
Wayne Williams is believed to have murdered as many as 29 black children in Atlanta. His case is a touchy one, and, whether you believe it was him or not, it’s a pretty stark comparison to think of almost 30 murdered children - whose names I don't know - to the outcry we still hear over JonBenet Ramsey.
The reason Sarah's case impacted so many people is because she did everything she was supposed to. She followed the "rules" to be a perfect victim. She was white, successful, took a public route home, wore running shoes with bright colours, and told her boyfriend where she was. She played all of her cards right and still it wasn't enough.
For years we've been told we can avoid rape if we dress a certain way, hang out with different crowds, and limit our alcohol use. As women we constantly adjust behaviour to make sure we're staying in line.
In court, the burden of proof falls on the victim, not the accused. If you're someone from a marginalized community, or you do sex work, or - God forbid - you didn't respond to your attack the way a 'normal' victim should, then your story loses credibility.
Sarah's death has highlighted that, no matter what we do, we aren't safe as women. I don't want to change any more of my behaviour, I want to live in a place where I can roam the streets without fear. That is a basic level need. It shouldn't matter that she did everything she could to be safe. The fact that she was murdered should be enough to make people care.
In the UK 97% of women aged 18-24 have experienced sexual harassment in a public space. 97%. Compare that to the 4% that report, and the 45% who thought telling police would do nothing, and we see a bleak picture.
The BLM and #StopAsianHate movements speak to this phenomenon even more. Young boys shot while buying candy are still slandered for looking "suspicious" because they don't fit that 'perfect victim' mould. After 6 Asian women were murdered last week, reports came out about the shooter's psyche, how is day went, and how the fetishization of asian women altered his point of view.
I have still not heard anything about the individual women who were killed.
The only kind of catcalling I will accept
Get Home Safe
Nesrine Malik wrote that to be a woman is to be “in a constant state of bargaining.” It is, and it’s exhausting.
Often I think of myself the same way I think of my pet rabbit, Bruce. Bruce has lived with me for 4 years, and every time he leaves his cage he assesses the danger. I watch his eyes dart across the room looking for the best place to hide, or the fastest route back home.
Rabbits, of course, are prey animals. He lives his life on edge for for fear of being eaten, snatched, or having his nails trimmed.
Women are the same. I scan the exits of every new environment, I ask my friends to tell me when they get home, I surveil my surroundings for people who might help me if I were attacked.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I'm tired. I'm tried of planning my routes, feeling unsafe, and watching women be blamed for men's actions.
After I publish this blog, I'm going to take a walk to clear my head. Of course, that walk will be during the day, in a public space, and a few people will know where I am.
