Another Passion Project
Over second lockdown my writing has taken a darker, quieter tone. I’ve turned my upbeat rally cries into longwinded thoughts about being blue, and my fear is that I’ve lost my edge along the way. My passion has been placated into apathy.
But, though that might be true, the MailChimp data shows that more of you are reading. The responses I’ve got as of late are more in-depth, heartfelt, and interesting. My bummer attitude has resonated more than the passion ever did, so how helpful was that fire to begin with?
I started this project because I was passionate about not being stuck. I refused to let the quarantine bring me down, and, in doing so, I fabricated obsessive systems and to-do lists. No moment was left unscheduled, and I channeled my energy into content.
Albeit, not all of it was good.
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That said, we live in a world where zealousness is rewarded - no matter the quality. Just in being busy, I feel impressive. Having side projects is like exerting tangible enthusiasm. I am showcasing my gusto across multiple platforms.
As my energy is winding down, I'm curious about how much is too much. Do I need a thousand side projects to prove my eagerness?
The unfortunate answer, as far as I see it, is yes. We've created a false dichotomy between passion and apathy. It's a pass/fail system of interest. When all of the information, tools, and resources are at your fingertips, no one wants to hear the case for being passively engaged.
You're either all in, or you're all out.
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Word Lovers
This dichotomy is on my mind as I start looking for my next career move. Each job posting calls for a “passion for data” or someone who is “passionate about their work.” You'd never see "a slight interest in marketing" as a requirement, though I'd argue that's more realistic...
Passion is a particularly interesting concept because of the word itself. The connotation is generally positive, but the definition is anything but. There is conflict with its very meaning. As a noun, passion is "a strong and barely controllable emotion," with synonyms ranging from "fury" to "adoration." Moreover, its Latin root quite literally means “to suffer.”
Similarly, being passionate is equated to being either "heart-felt" or "addicted" and "volatile." In conversation it can be an underhanded way of saying “you’re too much” as much as it can be a compliment.
That passion should be a requirement to work is off-putting. We’ve created a world where everyone is supposed to love what they do blindly. If not, you're expected to have passion projects on the side to compensate. We think we need to have fervour in our day-today, yet the concept of passion seems, frankly, dangerous.
Since when was it necessary to hire fanatical, hot-blooded, and intense workers? Moreover, how do we expect that drive to be genuine? As a job qualification it feels like a copout. Who is truly passionate about sales support? Maybe that person exists, but more likely it’s a feigned interest for the sake of getting hired.
The bigger question is this: how much is passion required to do a good job? Maybe a little indifference would help you see all sides a little clearer.
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Why You So Obsessed With Me?
In an interview, apathy may be worse than having drive, but what if you’re driving right into a pit? When passion is focused on the wrong thing, it can quickly surge into being harmful.
Psychologists have determined a distinction between two kinds of passion: harmonious and obsessive. In the latter, people bind their self-worth to their passion. It's not enough to be interested in a topic, the validation of knowing the most, being the best, or succeeding becomes the driving force. As a result, any challenge to their status becomes a personal attack.
The examples of harmful passion are endless. Chris Brown, Ted Bundy, Icarus, Zuckerberg, and Frankenstein to name a few. Even the infamous Elizabeth Holmes spoke about the use of obsession as a driving force in her career.
When our passion is obsessive, we are forced to protect our self worth at all costs. The drive to succeed is unrelenting, and judgement is easily clouded by the desire to reach our goals. For example, my passion has been productivity. I will let my health and relationships suffer to feel like I've completed my to-do list. I often wonder if it will ever feel like I've done enough. Is a passion ever fully satiated, or does it grow and grow the more you feed it?
I'm sure we've all felt that draw with our technology. Two minutes after I close Instagram I start craving my newsfeed again. Similarly, a promotion at work is only enough to temper a need for success for so long. That brief respite from obsessively driving forward is quickly overshadowed by a compulsive need to improve. This phenomenon is called hedonic adaptation, or the way in which people quickly adapt to new successes and are still left wanting.
As people, we are always hungry for more. More content, more drama, more stuff... Our collective obsession with gossip quite literally killed princess Diana, and she's one case of many. In the wise words Chris Crocker, "LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE."
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Passion of the Christ
The concept of hedonic adaption used to be simply known as suffering, at least in the Buddha's definition. And that's not a unique opinion. In many religions and philosophical theories, passions are the instinctive, emotional, primitive drives that people must restrain from in order to be 'good'. Giving into your passions could only mean leading a life of evil.
We often forget that passion is a sin. Not just as it pertains to lust, but in the way it yields obsessive self-promotion. Most religions would agree that moderation and balance is the key to virtuous living. If you aren't happy within yourself, no amount of external success will bring your peace.
Today it seems the opposite is true. The more passion we emit, the better we are. The stronger our convictions, the more righteous our character.
I'm not a religious person, but it's curious to me how we've gone from passions as the root of evil to passion as a requirement for entry-level work. Moreover, that same passion is now expected in every facet of your life. You need to be passionate about your job, your partner, your additional side hustles... We forgot the dangerous elements and dove straight into intensity.
Whatever happened to "blessed are the meek"?
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Passionate Goodbye
A mentor of mine once said that your passion is merely an entry point to your purpose. I like to think of it like animorphs - your purpose evolves from what you are passionate about.
Passion alone is draining. You move forward haphazardly, following what makes you feel good. You get something from acting on your passion, and, in doing so, you are taking for yourself. A purpose is applying that drive to something more wide reaching.
Passion projects lead you to try new things, to fail publicly, and maybe hang your terrible oil painting in the living room. They also aren’t sustainable. A purpose gives you a compass. It becomes a guide for your life choices and plan.
You don’t get blinded by your purpose.
No matter what, this is still a passion project. Is it enough? Is it too much? Who's really to say. The goal isn't to continue forever, but to hone in on something more purposeful. Or, if I'm really lucky, shapeshift into an animal and scurry into the night.
